Amanda Seales Is NOT The Problem, Our Conditioning Is

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Amanda Seales does not deserve the onslaught of misinformed, hyperbolic, and assumptive articles written for Essence, The Grio, and The Root. Our conditioning has led us to believe being likable is paramount, unshakably knowing thyself is excessive, and GroupTHINK is a source we should depend on. The latter is particularly true for Black Women.

I met Amanda Seales over ten years ago (pictured above). I was in college, 20 years old, a singer-songwriter, actor, and photographer (to name a few). I’d just left my very first self directed photoshoot and was late to a campus event where I was on the bill to sing, and Amanda was there to speak. When I entered the room, Amanda boldly stated “op, not the gloves”, and everyone laughed… except me. It wasn’t because I didn’t understand the humor, or because I didn’t think it was funny, it was because my mentality at the time was so Newark, New Jersey that anyone saying anything left of “hello” was an issue for me. When she noticed I did not laugh, she quickly addressed her comment; “no disrespect my brotha, it just surprised me”, in which I stated; “nah you good”, and Seales continued her speech. It was at that moment that I knew she was of my tribe… a fellow comedian.

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Unlike the writers of the op-eds aforementioned (Monique Judge, Jasmine Browley, Dustin J. Seibert) I actually met Amanda Seales. Amanda Seales and I have exchanged direct messages through Instagram over the years. I purchased her exceptional book “Small Doses: Potent Truths for Everyday Use”. We both follow each other on the respective platform, and I’ve even purchased tickets for Amanda to give away to fans who wanted to see “Smart Funny and Black” for free. I am a supporter.

Even though the former is true, Amanda Seales and I are not friends. It’s important that I make this distinction before I continue with this piece so as to provide clarity to those who may think that I am writing this article for that reason. I have no stake in the game. I am not receiving anything for this article. I have not had a conversation with Amanda Seales in years. I am simply sick and tired of the clear bias and conditioning that we often parade as “holding someone accountable”, when it comes to people, particularly Black Women, with something to say.

As mentioned in my support of Jada Pinkett Smith, we are conditioned to want Black Women to shut up, be happy, smile, and tread lightly. Which is ironic considering Amanda Seales and I have strongly-opposing views on Jada, but I digress. As a Black Man I have witnessed Black Women unnecessarily apologize for any and everything they say, do, or feel. How many times have you seen a Black Woman hurting, and apologizing for her tears? It is within that understanding that helps us see the conditioning we place on Black Women to be perfect, pacifying, seen and not heard human beings, so much so that even when they are rightfully hurt, they apologize for it. It’s sickening!

With that understanding, anytime a Black Woman takes to social media with a grievance of any kind, even those who are victims of sexual assault, a strong collective bunch of us express our disdain for it, even if it’s clear, with evidential proof, that they, beyond the human laws of freedom, have the right to voice their thoughts.

Throughout this article I will purposefully omit linking, or providing proof of some of the claims I mention. The intention behind that is not laziness, it is for the bigger picture.

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March 16th 2024, Amanda Seales took to Instagram to thank her supporters for reminding her that she is worthy;

“…if it wasn’t for ya’ll I would really think that I ain’t doing shit, because the industry I’m in does not recognize me. And to be clear I’m speaking about the Black Spaces in the industry I’m in…which is largely in part why I realize I need to shift out of this industry. You know like, I don’t get invited to Essence Women in Hollywood, I’ve never been invited to the NAACP Image Awards, I’ve been nominated for an Image award, never been invited to the NAACP Image awards. Never been honored at Black Girls Rock…I’ve hosted these events, you know what I’m saying? I literally hosted the BET awards in 2020 in my house, and I was not invited to the BET awards, since. So I just want to thank ya’ll for always reminding me that I really am valuable because the game and the industry I’ve been in has never let me know.” [truncated Transcript Amanda Seales Instagram Reel March 16th 2024]

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It was this video that sparked Amanda becoming a trending topic. Amanda received an abundance of support from industry icons, leaders in political spaces, and many of her fans, but she also received unnecessary, problematic, and bias analysis.

Dustin J Seibert published an article via The Root March 19th 2024; “If Everyone Says The Same Thing About Amanda Seales, Could She Be The Problem?”. The title alone informs you of the adolescent mindset of the writer. Adults know, through experience and wisdom, that just because something is being said by multiple people, doesn’t make it true. To pose the question in an article full of hyperbole, ill placed alleges, and claims of he said she said, with an extreme lack of tangible proof begs the question; “what was the reason?”. Did this article need to be written?

Dustin made it clear he believes what others have stated about Amanda’s character, even though he admitted he has never met Amanda Seales. Any well developed adult knows better than to make a judgement or assessment of a person they’ve never met. Dustin felt, with the cardboard foundation of information he constructed from folks; “who know what’s really up with Amanda Seales”, an entire article was needed claiming they “just know”. He further claims, even though he’s never met Amanda, that he can; “tell when certain people tweeting about her know of her character first- or second-hand.” Again, he’s never met Amanda, but he knows the latter? Honestly, I am not sure who approved this article at The Root, but how was this allowed?

Dustin ends his article by arbitrarily using past circumstances failing to prove his weak headline. And in his failure he used the trope many Black Women are forced into through conditioning; “she might do better by humbling herself “. And there it is ladies and gentlemen! He told on himself. He, like many other people when it comes to Black Women with something to say, as previously stated, would rather a Black Woman humble herself instead of boldly speaking out when she feels wronged.

I’ve heard all kinds of unfavorable things about Dustin, and read all kinds of comments about his bias in writing, should I believe them because…I…heard it?

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The next article, written by Jasmine Browley, editor of Essence Magazine, which was updated March 24th, 2024, was so disrespectful and hurtful to read it sparked me to make a video:

Much like Dustin’s article, Jasmine’s article begins with failed posturing; “I really like Amanda Seales”, then proceeds to dismantle her character and strongly suggest she (and others) should prioritize being likable to advance in her career. To add insult to injury Jasmine thought it was smart of her to use a Harvard Business statistic to rubber stamp her push for us to consider being more likable. Harvard, a well known whites-only boys club, with less than 10 percent Afrikan American students, is not a proper source for determining anything when it comes to how Black communities should exist in the workspace. Jasmine continued to pour salt on the wound when she admitted even she wouldn’t be able to handle working with someone; “even when they have really good points…[if they] [seem] committed to exhaustingly agitating the establishment”. Since when are we concerned with protecting the establishment? My mind was blown!

Both Jasmine and Dustin believe Amanda should consider self-reflection. Because of that assessment It became clear that these people were not the supporters they claimed to be. It’s safe to assume, from their lopsided advice that Dustin and Jasmine are not avid viewers of Amanda Seales, and have not done any research, beyond possibly reading each others articles with the same basic information, and in fact, do not like Amanda Seales. If they had, they’d know and they’d pull quotes and examples from Amanda where she’s clearly stated, multiple times, that she self-reflects, and even has a system of people she calls on to make sure; “[she] aint trippin”.

It’s clear that Jasmine has succumb to the humble-trope aforementioned, and is now so comfortable in her conditioning that she is asking others to do the same. Furthermore, Black people are still largely disenfranchised, often made to code-switch, change our hair to be more likable/presentable in order to fit in with white establishments, which we’ve tried to dismantle for years. But Jasmine, like enslaved Afrikans too afraid to disrupt, would rather be; ‘pleasant and agreeable’ than boldly seek change for the betterment of self and others. There is more than one way to skin a cat, and while being pleasant is a virtue, being likable is too subjective to make that a call to action.

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Lastly, Monique Judge, a writer for The Grio, decided two articles, thousands of comments, Amanda’s apology and call for self reflection, wasn’t enough that over a week later yet another article was needed. It wasn’t.

Monique Judge wrote an op-ed April 2nd 2024 with a scathing headline that reads; “Amanda Seales is not a victim of anything but her own hubris”. Besides the fact that Amanda has never admitted to being a victim, this click bait headline is exactly the thing that makes you question; why is this an article? Was this written as a way to make money? Did Monique have a quota she needed to fill in order to continue writing for The Grio? What, again, was the reason?

The article, eerily similar to the others, started off with pretentiousness masked as self accountability; “I am an outspoken, highly opinionated Black woman. My friends will tell you that I am no shrinking violet. I take up space everywhere I go, and I am not afraid to voice my opinion when the need arises.” Monique failed at trying to present a parallel understanding of what she believes is Amanda’s personality type while placing herself above Amanda. It was wildly presumptuous of Judge to assume Seales isn’t capable of, or hasn’t already achieved the same level of maturity Monique claims she has.

I knew this article would be problematic when I noticed the theme each of these writers continuously weaved throughout their pieces of disdain; hyperbole. Hyperbole: exaggerated statements or claims. Exaggerated: presenting something being larger, better or worse than it actually is, also known as…a lie: an intentionally false statement. Monique laughably stated Amanda Seales; “actively attacked Samaria Rice the mother of Tamir Rice, after Samaria called out Shaun King for fundraising in the name of her dead son.” Not only did Amanda not attack Samaria Rice, she simply asked a question: ‘nobody finds it somewhat odd that she’s just, out of the blue, going out of her way and being given EVERY platform, with no receipts shown, to ‘call out,’ one by one, black activists/organizers that have been the visible faces of the movement? Just food for thought…’.

While an argument can be made about the timing, considering Tamir Rice’s case, when so called self accountable “journalist” use hyperbole, what they are revealing to readers is that they have an agenda. You don’t need hyperbole when you know the truth. Monique…Do you know the truth?

To try and prove her headline Monique had to pull from a 2017 tweet when Amanda stated;  “If you’re buying Jordans and Nike suits but you don’t have a PASSPORT, YOU’RE LOSING.” Obtusely committed to missing the point, Judge quoted Amanda’s explanation as a way to exemplify her disdain failing to make a connection to Amanda; “victimizing” herself. Anyone with basic common sense understood that Amanda was speaking on the overall conditioning that Black people have that leads us to prioritize flashy things, verses using that same money to experience the world, which, in return, could drastically improve our lives through experience and education, which should be a priority… not looking fly.

Monique went on to use a conspiracy theory to backup her claims of credit scoring after Amanda doubled down and added; “If you’re buying Jordans and Nike Suits but you DON’T KNOW YOUR CREDIT SCORE, YOU’RE LOSING.” Are we to trust Monqiue’s conspiracy theory as proof?

After failing, throughout Judge’s exhaustingly ill-written blog about her (clearly personal) issues with a few things Amanda has said in the past, she ended with rumors, and disclaimers failing to validate her critiques with anything of substance slothfully using passive aggressiveness to compliment Amanda, while throwing her under a bus.

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I am not sure why this onslaught of projection is happening to Amanda on these Black-Owned outlets, but it has to end. It must stop. Not just for Amanda, but for anyone else moving forward.

One thing Monique was correct about, no one is above critique and not everything is us “bashing” one another. And to all of their point, calling people out on their bullshit is important.

Amanda Seales is not the problem, our conditioning is. Amanda Seales is not our enemy.

Amanda is not perfect, I never believed she was, I have never agreed with everything she’s said, and we strongly-disagree a lot, but I also do not believe she is owed this kind of vitriol from Black Media.

I once said;

“Amanda Seales, YOU are NOT the problem, our conditioning is! A recent article released…read as if to say it’s okay to compromise your integrity and be quiet if it gets you advancement in the industry. I wholeheartedly disagree!! WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP SHUCKING AND JIVING for other people and each other?! People like Amanda Seales, MoNique, Viola Davis, Jada Pinkett Smith, Wanda Sykes, Azealia Banks, TS Madison, Chrisette Michele, Tamika Mallory, Taraji P Henson, and unfortunately the list goes on, who speak out, who speak loudly when they feel they’ve been wronged, are often FORCED to shut up! Many of us Black folks are conditioned to turn a deaf ear to Black Women, or to ostracize Black Women who DON’T GO ALONG TO GET ALONG. To quote my good sis: RaeShanda “I am not a palatable Black I wont go along to get along!”. The questions to Essence and several other outlets who are UNNECESSARILY piling on Amanda Seales are: WHY AREN’T YOU WILLING TO CHANGE YOUR SYSTEMS FOR THE BETTERMENT OF BLACK PEOPLE?!? WHY LEAN INTO AN IDEOLOGY THAT PLACES GROUPTHINK ABOVE INDIVIDUAL THOUGHT AND AUTONOMY?! Why do we exalt ‘likability’ vs promoting understanding and discovery and GRACE?!” [truncated]

Calling out the entertainment industry and its gatekeepers is as important as calling out individuals we believe are actually hurting our community, Amanda is not one of them, yet those who are, are not being called out the same. Why is that? Again, Amanda is not our enemy. Amanda is deserving of more, and so are many of us who go without any recognition due to systems in place, and people in place who are still going by the theory white men created years ago that places who you know above what you know. Many of us are still blindly following behind ideologies that go against our very nature and the moment we decide not to we are the ones who are castrated for it. I say no more!

Lastly, beyond a few words said here and there, what has Amanda actually done to deserve this?